Mischa Fox

Hello, all!

I’ve been rather quiet this week. This has been partly due to a sharp EDS flareup gifted to me by the unusual cold snap in north Georgia. I needed two days off work just to sleep through the exhaustion portion and let my joints heal.

I didn’t start feeling like myself until late Thursday. Today was my first “normal” day.

This crash began in mid February, right after I went to my graduate certificate class. I never really recovered after.

I’ve been in denial (until my sick days) that my body was LOUDLY telling me that it simply can’t handle college fulltime again—maybe ever.

I let myself feel All the Things this week. Having Ehlers Danlos is a lot like living on a hamster wheel of grief over your own body. The body lies to you with good days (weeks, months) so sweetly you truly believe EVERY TIME that this one was The Last Episode Ever.

And then it’s not.

And every crash is worse than the one before it until you change everything about your life. How you walk, how you sit, how much you sleep, what you eat.

You think, “Great! I’m fixed!”

No. You just… crash on a safety mattress instead of a rocky shoreline.

The crash initiates a new cycle of grief, and you have to feel every emotion bound to it until you one again (for the 6th billionth time) accept that it’s a permanent disability—and revise your list of lifestyle changes.

In my case: school.

I plan to let the college know Monday that my body said No, and to ask for information on their part time online version for possibly fall. I may try one course then. We’ll see how summer goes.

The Universe could simply be telling me it’s time to permanently pivot.

Which is okay (after I’ve cried in my ice cream 🤣)

The bonus is I get to read a lot of other people’s books and nap extra with ferrets for a few weeks while my body recovers. I can’t complain about that part.